The Story of my Desire to do a Forward Roll on the M25Posted: February 15, 2012
Every time I drive down a motorway I get an almost uncontrollable urge to dance on it with vigorous heterosexual abandon. Of course, for obvious safety reasons I’d need to stop all the traffic first; but once that problem was out of the way, the fun could really begin. And what fun it would be. I’d run around on all that lovely clean, virgin, flat tarmac and wave my hands in the air (like I just didn’t care). Once I’d done that, I’d make sure I did a couple of star-jumps and then rub my chin all over the hard shoulder and get bits of grit in my beard. The main thing I’d want to do though is a forward roll. I would forsake all the other things I’ve just mentioned if I could just do a forward roll on a motorway.
A while back I took the bull by the horns and wrote to the then Transport Secretary Philip Hammond to ask if I could do a forward roll on the M25 (the greatest of all the motorways). He (or rather some low-level office clerk) wrote a right snotty letter back. I won’t bore you with the details, but the short of the letter was that because of health and safety blah blah blah they would have to say no. Ridiculous.