Britain’s Most Middle Class Meal

They don’t call me Heston Lucas or Phil Vickery for nothing.  Today I have been slaving away in the kitchen (as the common phrase goes) to produce Britain’s most middle class meal.  After a lot of experimenting I think I finally got there.  It’s essentially a 3-course affair with a choice of 2 starters.  You can bring your own Chablis, Sancerre or mid-priced Malbec.

Amuse-Bouche              

Puréed Sue Perkins and Giles Coren

Starter  1                              

Scallops nestled in Prosecco-infused couscous and lightly glazed with shavings of white shabby chic wardrobe

Starter 2

Complaint letter to easyJet on hummus

Main Course

The Guardian served on a bed of organic wasabi rocket, topped with pine nuts and drizzled with locally-sourced raspberry coulis

Desert

Radio 4 schedule saturated in Green & Blacks dark chocolate

To Finish

A selection of relaxed albums from the album board.

Today’s artists include:

Nora Jones

Moby

Rumer

Madeleine Peyroux

and a rare 1991 chef’s selection from Beverly Craven.

About these ads

12 Comments on “Britain’s Most Middle Class Meal”

  1. Joanne Jacques says:

    I think Jay Rayner would have preferred more rocket on the Guardian offering.

  2. biondino says:

    Isn’t that water cress, though?

  3. cleverfelix says:

    I tried the amuse bouche but couldn’t source any Sue Perkins. Possible substitutes?

    • Phil Lucas says:

      It may be that there’s more Coren than Perkins in it. It’s hard to get the ratios dead right. A very good alternative for a slightly nuttier flavour is Nigella Lawson. Failing that, you can rarely go wrong with a sprinkle of Joan Bakewell. Everybody likes Joan.

  4. Spent an afternoon in torrential rain with Rumer warbling in my earhole impatiently waiting for Elton John to replace her. Lots of middle class peeps having ‘fun’ picnics and obstructing my view with multi-coloured golfing umbrellas.

    I have been unable to source the shabby-chic wardrobe. This is because after years of what the working-classes charmingly call ‘second-hand’ now I just like NEW ones. In true Common People style spirit instead I have forced Jarvis Cocker to scratch his head over the bowl. Et voila!

  5. You can replace the shabby chic wardrobe with little snippits of a conversation about travelling through Nepal. Not too much though – can be quite overpowering…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 114 other followers