Britain’s Most Middle Class Meal
Posted: June 2, 2012 Filed under: Food 12 Comments »They don’t call me Heston Lucas or Phil Vickery for nothing. Today I have been slaving away in the kitchen (as the common phrase goes) to produce Britain’s most middle class meal. After a lot of experimenting I think I finally got there. It’s essentially a 3-course affair with a choice of 2 starters. You can bring your own Chablis, Sancerre or mid-priced Malbec.
Amuse-Bouche
Puréed Sue Perkins and Giles Coren
Starter 1
Scallops nestled in Prosecco-infused couscous and lightly glazed with shavings of white shabby chic wardrobe
Starter 2
Complaint letter to easyJet on hummus
Main Course
The Guardian served on a bed of organic wasabi rocket, topped with pine nuts and drizzled with locally-sourced raspberry coulis
Desert
Radio 4 schedule saturated in Green & Blacks dark chocolate
To Finish
A selection of relaxed albums from the album board.
Today’s artists include:
Nora Jones
Moby
Rumer
Madeleine Peyroux
and a rare 1991 chef’s selection from Beverly Craven.
I think Jay Rayner would have preferred more rocket on the Guardian offering.
Good point. It needs a complaint to be truly middle class.
Isn’t that water cress, though?
I don’t know. It definately said rocket on the packet. Intriguing.
Looks like spinach to me.
Ah, someone else said that, but it definately said rocket on the packet. I think I was had.
I tried the amuse bouche but couldn’t source any Sue Perkins. Possible substitutes?
It may be that there’s more Coren than Perkins in it. It’s hard to get the ratios dead right. A very good alternative for a slightly nuttier flavour is Nigella Lawson. Failing that, you can rarely go wrong with a sprinkle of Joan Bakewell. Everybody likes Joan.
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Spent an afternoon in torrential rain with Rumer warbling in my earhole impatiently waiting for Elton John to replace her. Lots of middle class peeps having ‘fun’ picnics and obstructing my view with multi-coloured golfing umbrellas.
I have been unable to source the shabby-chic wardrobe. This is because after years of what the working-classes charmingly call ‘second-hand’ now I just like NEW ones. In true Common People style spirit instead I have forced Jarvis Cocker to scratch his head over the bowl. Et voila!
You can replace the shabby chic wardrobe with little snippits of a conversation about travelling through Nepal. Not too much though – can be quite overpowering…
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